Stupid Pothead Stories

I’m sorry it has been so long.. i had been on vacation and did some moving too.. moving sucks… but I was helping clean out my mother in laws place, which she inheritied from her parents… Her father had stashed somewhere a hash pipe.. now i am not saying he used it, but if the woman he was married too, i am sure he thought of it.. of course i kept it. I added it too a few of the leftover treasures of my pot life.. most of the time now a days, i just roll.. but every once in a while i break out the a pipe.. wife hates seeing it, says it is not CLASSY. Sure it is true, it does not look pretty, but it does the job.. over the years i have had many different pot tools… I have made a few, bought many, and borrowed a few too.. my fave has to be the hookah.. i used to have one that was just awsome, i got it when i was in the Middle East. It made the smoke really smooth, and had attachments for sharing 3 of them.. and plugs on the holes if you wanted to smoke alone.. i will talk more about my toys when i have more time..

thanks for your patience with me

Peace and smiles

Don’t ever take my word for it, I know nothing about any other science than building a bong or pipe ( which many not be as much science as it is minor engineering, pot heads are creative if nothing elst).. Someone put a comment for a link to passing a drug test.. It looked like spam to me, but some folks I guess need some help in that department. I have worked in the radio industry for almost all of my adult life, so drug tests are not that popular in those circles, why, well i know many that could never pass for the harder drugs.. The few times I have had to actually get a real job, I have had to take drug tests. the first one, well it had been about 3 weeks since I smoked, i knew the drug test was coming, and I waited til the last day I could. so that worked.. the 2nd time, I smoked up a few nights before, kinda a celebration of getting a new job, then the next day I was told I needed a drug test.. No problem passing that time.. alot of water, and sat in a sauna.. not a problem, well the last time i took a drug test was around 5 years ago. I left the job I had before and had a huge weeklong bender. I was offered a job during a bake session, and told to go to the piss test office the next morning, they had me scheduled for 10am.. I was thinking, shit, a friend recomended me, and I soo do not wanna make him look bad. I thought about getting a friend to piss in a condom, but carrying that shit and keeping it warm in my jeans was just way too gross for me.. SO what did I do.. like three 2 litre bottles of water that night, which kept me up pissing.. than another 4 the morning of, and two king cans of beer.. I figured that they did not test for booze, and to THE MAN, it might be better than some weed.. and appartently i passed with flying colors, though I pissed for 2 days straight.. Not that I will ever suggest these to anyone, cause body types are different, but that is what worked for me..

Peace and Smiles.

After smoking a nice fat hoochie, what do you do…. Plans can change all the time, but when I am high, everything in the world sounds great.. then I think.. Do I wanna really leave the house… a part of me says, hell yeah, another part is like, well that means getting off my ass.. hmmm what a huge delima… A friend would call and say hey lets go to the Midway… a greasy burger joint that has the best Fries and Gravy in the world, and billy always made the best thick ass shakes.. mmmm shakes.. sorry i went a wandering there for a second… But did i wanna leave… Midway taken out not so good, it needs to be nice hot and fresh on a semi clean table and a great crusty waitress we all loved… Of course then I would have to worry about seeing other people while high.. other friends or people I grew up with I did not care about being seen high, that never bothered me… they could think I was a pot head, but I was making some pretty decent money, and was on the air so the looking down shit i did not care… did i give a shit that my clothes would smell like pot.. nope the Midway smell was, and is always overpowering. I was worried about seeing my parents friends, the midway has generations of families as patrons, and since they are open til whenever, you would always see someone you knew.. guaranteed. Of course I would try the old, dude just come on over… and of course a friend who calls and is not high, would protest the dropping by, and would try to get me to meet them… and of course the dude, i just smoked a fat one…. I would always reply with the hey man, i can get another rolled by the time you get here.. that would work about 50% of the time, where once we both smoked we were cool as fuck for the night… but the other 50% would be the argument that… DUDE, I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, WE WILL SMOKE, WALK TO THE STORE BUY SOME MUNCHIES AND NOT DO ANYTHING.. which i have to say was pretty much the plan… again I would win that one 50% of the time.. so out of the other 50% I would say, dude pick me up and I’ll go… now most of the time it was midway… sometimes the Star, which was the other burger joint and was the best by far… or if we were really risky the Garden.. ummm all you can eat chinese, but no and I repeat no buffet table, they would bring the food too you… ummm the Garden.. how evil it was to have that place when high..

Well after heading to a coffee shop, midway, star, or the garden, there was always the decision of what to do after… Never, ever ask a stoned dude what he wants to do, a decision will never ever be made…. cause again everything is cool…. like dumping on a cop car.. climbing some form of building.. breaking into the school.. it did not matter.. and damn if i would always end up running into the girl i was avoiding.. never failed.. 3-4 dates, and I would rather be high than hang out with her… but I would always have to spend some time talking, being nice while thinking…. I wanna be home watching a movie, or breaking out the video game of the time… I love girl, I really do.. but back in those days, come on.. I wanted the one thing, get that, get high, and hang out with the dudes.. most of the time, you can’t constantly get high with a chick you are with.. cause dating a pot head girl is not always the best idea.. we’ll get to that sometime later… ohhh the stories there… Decisions is the topic of today.. what other decisions are there to be made… ohh the decision of what to get at the restaurant de jour.. If it was shitway.. well then you had the burger.. fries and gravy, or homefries.. or rings.. damn.. chocolate or strawberry shake.. damn it.. such tough ones.. if it was the star… no decision had to be made… there was only one choice for me… burger, fries, gravy, and coke.. nothing else could compare at that joint.. but the garden.. ohhhh soo much selection.. 9.95 all you can eat… 11.95 f0r dinner, and 7.95 after 10 pm.. then if you end up heading back to my place.. what too watch… i had soo many video tapes it was horrible.. so that choice was tough… unless it was the times after dazed and confuzed was released.. then well that was it 25% of the time.. classic high movie.. which is another subject we will get into at another date… or what tunes to listen too.. if so inclined we might do a good jam session.. but most of the time, it was listening to something… and the moods would be a changing everyday… nothing was off limits.. and then the biggest decision of them all….. should we smoke another one….. ohh if somone had to get up early the next day, there was always one more.. and we would try to get them to have 2 more… sometimes we were good, but others… and if no one had anything to do… it was on sessions all night…. how many.. another decision.. or how fat to make it.. bong, pipe or rolled… too many decions… ahhhhh..

Ok i am done..

Peace and smiles..

How many times in my life have I spent hours and hours searching for weed.. When your regular dude, and secondary supplier is not around, you have to improvise. You never wanna show up at that one smelly lives alone scary friends house to like see if they have some to spare, but it always seems to happen.. and of course you have to make sure you are very diplomatic in your search.. never saying that you visited his smelly place just for the sole purpose of scoring some bud.. then you leave there heart broken.. you decide ok, if i drive downtown and see if anyone is selling on the street.. Of course the hundreds of times you have been down there, you were always offered it when you had a baggie, but not when you are looking for it, there are always cops and no one is around.. SO then you drag your ass back to familiar grounds, maybe head to the park where the other potheads hang that you know, but dont really hang out with..

Ok so after a few hours and having some other people smoke you up, all you wanna do is get home with a couple of joints and hang out with your good friends.. I would always have some great movie I was dying to see and not have to invite a bunch of peeps over to watch it that I did not want there just to smoke some of their weed… but the journey of finding weed is always a story or two in hindsight..

more searching stories on the way

Peace and smiles..

I know people have many different names for it, but with my friends we called it the session hour. You know that time of night when you have partied alot, are kinda burning out, and find everything really, really funny because well you are overtired. well my favorite times have always been the session hours. A few times we always suggested recording our sessions and listening to them at a later date.

Well one of our sessions had a movie idea.. Yes I was a short filmmaker for one day. The story came from listening to music of course.. Based on the song Tweeter and the Monkey man by Bob Dylan. Well I still have the final cut of the movie (ok the first and only cut). So in the recording we all agree’d to make this movie, and well our word while high was our bond i guess..

Ok the premise of this story was pretty shitty, and I have no clue how it kinda came out of the song, but we did have characters named Tweeter and the Monkey man.. Cop and drug dealer was the story. I was the director (still don’t know how I got nominated for it), and co-star as the dirty cop of my partner who was the good guy.

Of course all the sets were at our one friends house, which was a nice suburban home, also a park, donut shop, and our other friends grand marquis which made for a great cop car. We even made a stunt double for when Tweeter gets run over by an old old honda civic. The best part was actually not planned, when me and my partner were to get in his car and leave the donut shop.. (YES WE WERE HIGH THE WHOLE TIME). we both left our drinks on the roof, the car took 3 times to turn over, and we left with the drinks on the roof… it actually looked really good on film and was funny..

well the acting ended up being not too bad, though I was the only one who stayed in Character, and was not caught laughing.. Plus forever on film is me with long ass hair.. well about a year later a friend of mine is taking a class about movies at university, and he submitted that as his film which actually got the best grade and reaction from the students..

Just goes to show sometimes the session hour provides someone with some benifit too their schooling..

More on session hours at a later date..

peace and smiles.

Before I got married, I had a few girlfriends.. Working in radio in smaller towns you were always expected to work a weekend shift.. Well I always usually picked Sunday mornings if possible.. we usually had syndicated shows to run, and I could relax and not think too much.. Well at one station in particular we had an AM/FM combo and the guy from the other station and I would make it a sunday ritual to go out and smoke.

Well of course the days I was extra high is when the girls would want me to go and visit their parents for lunch. well of course I could never tell the GF’s I was really high, cause the getting shit factor would jump up too much for a high boy to handle..

Well most parents always liked me, and for some reason high I always was a lot more charming. I would not talk too much, and was always respectful.. Plus the munchies would kick in and the cooking always seemed soo much better, and I could always have a 2nd helping.. I always would tell myself, just don’t try to talk too much about anything… though I would always get into a sports conversation with the father.. always always, and I am pretty adamant about sports, and if you have ever been high you never really argue your points with much logic..

Even my wife, before we got married, I had many a lunch high at her parents place.. we even made our wedding plans when I was high, which did benifit her more cause well I was not going to argure girly shit.. it always suited my inlaws though they never knew I was high.. I was quiet and polite.. no wonder they think I am a good dude..

One time it was baseball playoff time.. I don’t remember which year it was, but I was sitting with an old GF’s father watching the game.. I am high as a kite at her place trying to watch baseball, which I love, and high makes it much faster.. Well he kept saying that I had the best food for watching a game.. which always makes me laugh, cause I did not know they were coming over, and I stocked up for a huge munchie session.. I thought the GF was going to be away for a few days, but nope, and she brings parents with her.. damn it.. Ohh well after they left, I remember her asking me if I had been high. After the yes, she said she wanted me to smoke before seeing them as long as I did not smell like pot.. which I did, and her parents sure loved me more than she did..

well I guess I am done..

Peace and smiles..

There is one huge difference between being burnt out and hung over. I guess the reason I was more into smoking was being burnt out was a better feeling for me than the 2 hangovers I have had in my life. Being hung over is an awful feeling. Like I said before it has happened to me 2 times in my life. Once was the first time I ever drank. It was just a month or so after my 13th birthday. My parents and their bowling league had a trip down to somewhere in Mexico. Of course time this was at a time when it was much safer, and my older sister was in charge, she would have been 16. Besides her and I were pretty darn savvy, and responsible. Well my sister and some of her friends came over to our house and had a small party, with some teenaged drinking. Now she decided to get her little brother drunk, and pretty darn drunk to kind of keep him away from booze for a while.. Well John, her friend, was in charge of getting little me drunk.. Well at 13 I was a tiny little fucker, well I drank, and drank (rum and cokes). Well i was pretty damn wasted, and of course at the time thought I was having the time of my life. Lots of puking later (only time I ever puked from booze), I finally fell asleep after hours and hours of the spins (which to me is another downfall of lots o drinking). When I woke up I had the killer pasties, and killer head ache, my whole body was just not up to par.. I swore never to over drink again. The 2nd time was after like a 4 day drinking bender, the 5th day was just awful..

Being burnt out is a totally different feeling, which really to me is just about being lazy all over. Not only is your mind just tired of thinking, your body is tired too. I wish I had 100 bucks for everytime I was ever totally burnt out. There have been some times where I had smoked soo much that I did not feel anything after smoking again, and that was usually when I would take a week off or so, or just switch to different weed, which would work.

Well that is it for today..

Peace and smiles.

I was on the phone talking with the sheckster last night and we were talking about some of our old memories. He reminded me of a story when we were all in our first year in college, we again would hang out at my place, and walk to the park to smoke some weed on the really pretty nights.. It was a pretty large park, and they were setting up for the cities summer day camps, so they had a trailer they would use on rainy days. Well they were easy to open up at nights, and really no one cared too much as long as we kept it clean… Of course we would hotbox it, and I am sure the camp staff liked that the next day. ( I knew most of them from school, and they would always ask if it was me in there the night before). Well this one night we played on the jungle gym, and rumor around the highschool kids was that there were dudes smoking weed in the camp trailer. (of course that was very true). So these girls are smoking in the trailer and we walk in, and they look at the skipper, and ask if he is one of their friends father.. we just laughed our asses off here he is 19, and these maybe 16 year old girls are asking if he is a dad.. of course when we were straight, not so funny.

A few nights later, the word gets around more and more, then people start bringing radio’s, chairs. It was kinda like a little mini suburban summer of woodstock. The amazing thing is everone knew the rules we had, and we never really talked about them. First was no cars, everyone had to walk there. Second was no flashlights, third was never ever leave any garbage in the building, fourth was no alcohol, only weed, and it was stuck too pretty good.. if anyone brought some booze, we would take it and give it back later.. I think my friends and I were responsible for many a new weed smoker. I basically held clinics on rolling, and how to pack a bowl.

for the whole summer we hung out there pretty much every night, and so many friends were made, but we all never really hung out during the day, or ever called one another, it was just an amazingly fun summer where pretty much all the nighborhood kids hung out and never bickered, or argued (well non stoned arguing).

The guy who owned the quicky mart near the park made a small fortune that summer, especially on rolling papers.

well that is it for now

Peace and smiles.

I have not lived in my mothers home in many many years too many to count.. I was visiting my family a couple of years ago, and I have said before that my room was in her basement. Well I have not taken everything out of there yet.. Too many years of traveling for radio, and it was easier to keep things there than take them from town to town.. When I was a teen living there, I used to store joints all over the house, so that if I was ever dry, I had something to keep me going until I could buy again.

You name it it was hidden there… drawers, suitcases, clothes, desk, in video tape boxes, in furnature.. My grandfather had sold these little plastic containers for cigerettes when my mother was a kid, and we had boxes and boxes of this shit, and I was the only one who used them… They could keep a joint fresh for quite an amazing amount of time..

Well in my seach of my ancient shit, I saw one of the suits I had back in the day.. I hate too say it but it was made for me by a family friend, and he designed it to look like Tubbs from Miami Vice, yes, I had a really bad looking suit, but in the 80’s I looked like the shit, (not really, very gay looking). well the last time i remember wearing that suit was a cousins wedding and of course i was going to send it to charity (why I did not just burn it I do not know, but someone might get a laught out of it).. I checked the pocket and in there was a nice fat joint.. It probably has been in there for 20 years, but of course my dumbass was going to light the bitch just too see… New rule if you have no clue how long a joint has been rolled DO NOT LIGHT it.. that fucker burnt faster than stink thru a skunk (hey I have been in the south quite a while, and have heard someone use that saying). I burnt the stash of my goatee… All in all, I found 2 pipes, some bong screens, 36 packs of rolling papers, 2 baggies of shake, and a little container with some roaches.. (which I did not have the guts to roll on their own, so we had used it with nice fresh weed) The old and new together made a nice high..

Throughout the years it is amazing where I have found roaches.. I took my car in to be fixed years ago while visiting my family again.. ( highschoool friend is a mechanic ) and he took apart some of the interior to find a problem and found some roaches, and asked how long they had been there.. good thing it was him and not some other people. Of course the one place I keep a joint at all times, and my silver pipe (the drug thing my wife ever let me buy, on our honeymood nonetheless) is in my tool kit.. Hey you never know right..

Well that is all I can think of for now..
But I am going to be speaking with some old friends in the next couple of weeks, so there will be some more stories on the way..

Peace and smiles.

There are so many stories that I think about during the day to write some make it, some just kinda go to the wayside. I have never been drunk and driven a car, but I sure have been stoned and driven. I have not done it in a number of years, learning that it probably was not the smartest idea of my life… For some reason I have always seemed to not get caught driving high.. It is probably because of the rush you get when you are suddenly in front of the cops in your car that brings you down.

One time I was drving home from a girlfriends house she was in university in atlanta, and I was working in Ohio. I was driving up I 75. I had just got over the state line from Tennessee I was speeding a bit and watched as the state patrol turned around from going southbound to be nice enough to pull me over. Well after the usual “do you know why you were pulled over question” I got a nice speeding ticket, and the look.. plus I had a roach in my ashtray, and was asked if I had some weed in the car.. After I showed the trooper the roach, (I learned to not lie the first time) he asked me to throw it into the grass on the side of the road.. which of course I did, and he asked if I was high, and that time I lied and said that it had been from the night before when I was in the Atl with friends.. Which is why I say most seasoned cops are cool if it is just a little weed..

Another time I was drving home from a friends, and saw the cherries behind me, and of course pulled over, I was really really fucked up, but pulled it together by the time he made it too my window.. Once again “Do you know why you were pulled over?” question, and I answered honestly that I did not.. Of course tail light out, and i just happend to have a few spares in the car.. I said yes I know, and I just picked up some, but it was too dark to change them.. which seemed to work for him, got the you are getting a warning this time thing..

all in all I would say I had been pulled over about a dozen times while high, and never once got any kind of crap from the officers, some I am sure knew I was high. I do not suggest it to anyone.

I always thought of drving while high like a video game, try to stay in the lines and stay as close to the speed limit as possible..

Well that is it for now, I hope to post more often..

Peace and smiles..